Monday, August 16, 2010

Summer = too busy with other people to spend time with my man...

Perhaps it is the mark that I have officially become a responsible adult. If so, I would like to return to the flighty, selfish person who doesn't accommodate others. This summer has been a constant barrage of family, friends, outings and obligations. Okay, okay - you have heard me complain that I get lonely, but I will tell you right now, loneliness can still happen when your life is inundated with people. I am trying to remain thankful that we have people in our life that want to spend time with us (even though sometimes it seems like we are just a conveniently free place to spend the night.) I really am grateful for the fun we have had with family and friends, but there is something that has suffered because of it - that thing is my marriage.

Don't read too much into this, my husband and I are still very much in love, very much committed to one another, and very happy to spend the little time we have had, with one another. It just seems that somehow we have been too busy to really connect. The last couple of weeks we have tried to make the effort to actually talk to one another about what is really going on with "us". We have had to deliberately take the time to really be with one another and I am afraid we may have offended some people in the process. However, I make no apologies - my marriage is more important than someone else's weekend getaway. It just is.

In my own heart I have been convicted that I have been secretly building up walls to keep Norse out. Instead of making the effort I have simply just let things happen and instead of growing in my desire to be hospitable I have become bitter against those who keep interrupting our summer. I have let small offenses take root and left them go unchecked, until now. And now, we have had tears, difficult discussions, and inflicted small wounds upon one another that will take time to heal. No it is not easy to work through some of my junk, but it is worth it, because my marriage is my most important relationship (other than the one with Jesus - I know).

I know that I am partly reacting to the thought of having a newborn again and all that it brings and ultimately takes away (i.e. freedom). I just don't want to waste another moment before we are once again called to deny ourselves for another season of breastfeeding, little sleep, and dirty diapers. In the long run there is no greater blessing than my amazing husband and children, but be honest - the first couple of years with kids is equally as demanding as it is joyous.

So, tell me- oh, wise reader - how do you balance it all?  Do you struggle with being hospitable? How do you set boundaries with family and friends to make sure you have time to work on your marriage and create special memories with just your children? Am I being selfish? 

P.S. - I found these two quick reads about marriage and date night helpful as I try to get my marital compass pointing in the right direction.

P.S.S. - I know, Norse, that you don't usually go to the links I post (and that I am not your Holy Spirit), but you should check them out for some insight, too. :) I love you!

1 comment:

  1. first, thank you for your previous post, too. i do appreciate you sharing with others so they can pray as well - very encouraging! most of all, though, i really wanted to comment on this current post. i kind of felt a "stab" so to speak - i felt multiple feelings - convicted, along with feeling like i can relate to you. i can really hear your sadness and frustration - and that makes me sad & frustrated for you! i don't have any "words of wisdom" here... mostly because i feel like i'm a few months "down the road" as you are in this area. I think my situation with Hannah has really helped me build strong boundaries w/ family & friends (here where i live), and Joe & i have had to work VERY hard this summer especially, on our communication. it's so easy to let things get to us, or get between us, but we've just had to strive hard to communicate correctly/healthy, make time for one another, and REALLY work on forgiveness. i do NOT think you're being selfish in this post - i think boundaries (w/ other family & friends) are extremely healthy. your family now is Norse, Boden, (and baby S). they are #1 and anyone who can't understand your need for family time, etc. will just have to deal with it. boundaries are healthy. this has been a major issue w/ us here, too. and the anticipation of bringing a new baby home has brought us some anxiety as well. i don't know why, but balance is such a hard thing. i think Joe & I just realized one day that when we are in the midst of ALL this craziness, we HAVE to work very hard on our communication w/ each other - the other things should fall into place better if communication is in check. but that's easier said than done : ) i don't know if any of this rambling makes sense. i will be praying for you on this, too.


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