Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Marriage, Money and Mother-in-Laws

It is that time of the week - "SFMTY" Time. I promise I will dig out some of my amazing pictures, to kick up the laugh factor a notch, but for now you will have to suffer through more of these great pictures of my grandparents.

They have been married now 50+ years and this was their wedding day.
Aren't they adorable. My grandma's dark hair sweetly styled with the little curl in front, while my grandpa's curly locks were slicked back with Brylcream. (He still uses the stuff!) I love that it seems like such a simple wedding. Not the obscene ceremonial gaudiness that we create now. It reminds me of a time when no one had much, but at least they had one another. We may be getting back to that time.

This next picture includes the new in-laws; my great grandma (whom I never met, but I hear she lived up to her name, Grace) and my grandfathers parents.

Don't they look thrilled? It seems as though mom and daughter are really trying to be nice. My grandpa is either frightened or caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. My great-grandpa looks as though he just went off the deep end and in the grand tradition of Mother-in-laws, great-gran looks like she can't believe her son married her.

I get along fine (even good most of the time) with my MIL, but was curious how you cultivate good relationships with your in-laws? It seems difficult to go into a family that already has daughters. How do you deal with the family dynamics when a grandchild is born? This is my current dilemma - how do I not feel like my son is "left out" when grandma shows a preference for her daughters children? Any suggestions? I am not used to "competing".

14 comments:

  1. "We might get back to that time." Very insightful. I for one, would not be complaining if we did get back a little more to that time.

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  2. First, let me say your grandparents are adorable!! Second, yes it can be very hard to enter your husband's family. And I do not think you can do much about the fact that your ILs show a preference for their other grandchildren. We try our best to hide it from our son, make excuses (and I blog about my frustrations and anger). :)

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  3. My husband has three sisters and his brothers are not the marrying type (although one might be leaving his bachelorhood soon - I hope) - anyhow, I had to learn to just accept the extra time his mother spends with her daughters and, subsequently, her other grandchildren. It's not on purpose, and I have to admit, it would be a little awkward if we tried to hang out all the time. I have that same kind of relationship with my mom that my sisters in law have with their mom. That's just how it is and my kids don't seem to really notice that there is a difference, they love her and she loves them and all is well. Sorry for going on so long, but this was an issue for me early on and I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

    But I do love those photos, they are wonderful.

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  4. What awesome photos! I love them. I need to go find some really old pictures to share. I love looking at my relatives and showing my kids.

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  5. Love the pictures!

    I live beside my MIL and my SIL live on the other side of her. All I can say is God gave me a wonderful MIL and SIL cause we all get along fine. There are times when we all get on each others nerves, but we just go to our houses and get over it. :)

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  6. I concur with what Jenny in Utah said. Kids just don't notice those things UNLESS we point it out to them. Whatever they have is normal to them. As my kids get older we are continually telling them you can't change others, only yourself and your reactions. This situation falls under that advice in our family.

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  7. What treasures! It is difficult as a daughter-in-law to enter your husband's family. We were the first to have grandchildren for my IL's so that helped me a lot. :)

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  8. Yes we may indeed get back to those kind of times.

    About the MIL...mine really started to drive me insane when my daugher was born. She's a very dominating person and even had me fuming mad superbowl weekend. I do what Dr Phil says to do. If it's your husbands family He has to be the one to solve the problem. If it's your family You have to be the one to fix it. So, when she gets under my skin, he tells her to back off...and she does! But, it's a tough thing to deal with, I know. Best of Luck to you. :)

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  9. I love old pictures! These are great :)

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  10. Your family pics are awesome!

    As a daughter-in-law, it is hard sometimes to blend into the family. I just don't let it bother me. I figure it's their loss if they don't want to hang with me. I do think they love me, they're just not affectionate people.

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  11. Those photos are wonderful.

    Can't help you with MIL advice, I can't even help myself with mine.

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  12. LOVE the pictures - those are priceless! Funny, my in-laws had those same "deer in the headlights" expressions on our wedding day, too.

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  13. Those are beautiful pictures. I love how they just got married so simply. While my husband and I didn't spend a heap of money, I now wish we had had a simpler ceremony.

    My MIL only has 2 sons, so I'm blessed maybe in that regard. Our relationship has been a bit rocky. Not terribly so, but it's taken quite awhile (10) years for me to realize that: 1. we will never be close 2. she's not an expressive person and I can't take her unexpressiveness personally.

    When our first son was born, it was really difficult. She didn't approve of how we were raising him and she was frustrated by the fact that I was nursing him and therefore - the kid needed his momma quite a bit, even when she was around.

    My best advice? Just be nice. As nice as you can and smile. Even if you're gritting your teeth. Smile. :)

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