Friday, February 13, 2009
SWAK (Part 4) - You've gotta Fight for your Right...
It is the last day of the SWAK carnival and I just don't know how to end this little series. I really adore my husband. I have been reflecting on all the amazing adventures we have had along the way. It has been 8 years of marriage and almost 10 years of being together. I can hardly remember life without him. I laugh thinking about what I had envisioned as my true love. It certainly wasn't some redheaded Montana man. I never even wanted to get married, so imagine my surprise, when the words "I will" left my mouth when I was only 20 years old. I was naive, but in love. There were few marriages I knew that hadn't ended up in divorce, and here I was wondering if it was truly possible to live happily ever after.
I have painted a pretty rosy picture of our love story, but feel that I need to share that it isn't always fun. Yesterday, That Family, made a list of marriage killers and we have waded through each one. We continue to struggle, but persevere. We have learned to forgive. We have learned to be accountable, even when we don't want to tell the other how we screwed things up.
There have been nights where our backs are turned toward one another as we quietly weep because of the hurt in our hearts, just hoping that the other will take the first step toward making things right again. There have been holes punched in walls (ok only once) and letters written to each other when it was too hard to say it face to face. There have been guilt offerings of flowers or a clean house. There was the year I was "psycho" and the year skeletons were revealed. We've been without and we've been with much. Through it all, it has been the faithfulness of a Mighty God who has carried us. It is by His grace that we still enjoy one another. We have had to work hard to win back each others trust, to undo the wounds we have caused in one another. Marriage is hard, but worth every moment.
I write these things because I want you to know, dear reader, that hard times come and you have to make the decision about how you will respond. I have learned that marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100 and even when one isn't giving their 100%, it does not give you an excuse to stop trying. It does not help to belittle him in front of others or just in the quietness of your mind. It does not help to expect things to just change. It does not make a stronger marriage to suffer in silence. You must fight, even if that means letting go of your pride, getting counseling, weeping before the Lord or asking your spouse for forgiveness. You must take responsibility for your marriage before it is too late.
Sweet Norse, I wouldn't trade any of the tears, sleepless nights, or difficult times we've had, because I know it has only made our marriage stronger. Thank you for sticking with me through the "psycho year", the PMS, the house hunting, and the addition of B. You have given your 100% so faithfully, even when you did not want to. You, my love, have fought for our marriage and changed because of the Lord working in your heart. I know hard times will come again and we will have to fight harder than ever, but it is my desire to love you with all I have, as we grow old together. Thank you for asking me to marry you and for continuing to be my true companion, everyday.