Friday, February 27, 2009

Confessions of a legalist...

I have to confess that deep within my soul lies the desire to do everything right. I work really hard to make the wise decisions and to the outsider it probably looks like I am doing pretty well. Unfortunately, I think that I am getting farther from truly knowing my Father and closer to being a Pharisee. It is fortunate that I have a Lord that wants me to grow in Him and that He seeks me out before I get too far away. I am glad that I have a merciful Father who speaks to me through the Bible and other people in my life. He has been pounding out a few of my rough spots lately. It is probably because I asked for it when I prayed that He would help me return to knowing the Father's heart.

Tuesday I read this (it is describing people who have a specific idea of what a spiritual person should look like)...
"those who take pride in appearance and not in heart" (2 Cor. 5:12)

Then I read this about wasting time...
"This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a mans mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God." -Donald Miller

I was beginning to see how my desire to regain the discipline in my Christian walk, was no longer because I needed to feel God's presence, it was so I wouldn't feel guilty about not fulfilling my "obligations" . How horrible is that? I don't want to feel obligated, I want to, want, to meet with my Father, because I love Him, not because I have to.

Today I read this...

"No longer will I be concerned about what self wants, but about what Christ wants. When I pray I will not always be asking for things for my comfort and convenience but rather I will be seeking a place in Gods will and asking for grace to stand where God wants me. I will not strive to show my love for God by the efforts of the flesh, but rather by the worship and trust of my heart. I will no longer try to show what great things I can do for Him, but will yield myself to Him so that He can show the world what great things He can do for me." - Buell H. Kazee

It has become my prayer, my resolution, my desire. This is what I want - unabashed love for my King. I think He is bringing me back to the basics so I can simply love him again. I am glad for the reminder that it isn't about me at all.

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