Monday, September 22, 2008

Rainy Days and Lazy Tears

I just read a poem written for a family who lost their daughter a year ago today. The little girl was still born. I don't believe that I ever would have cried one tear over it before I felt my own son in my womb or slept in the chair with him all night, just because he had a runny nose, or held him close as he was nourished from my breast, but now I cannot seem to stop crying. It isn't often that words evoke such emotion in me, but perhaps I am just struck with how much this little boy means to me. And more, how much his father means to me.

I have always struggled with trusting God with the ones I love. Probably my fear of losing them too quickly stems from losing my father when I was barely 20. Now it is not so much of a fear of them being gone, but a fear of missing a single moment of joy with them. Will Norse know that I adore him.
Will Boden know that his mother - who never felt maternal - now feels more love for him that she thought possible? It seems as though my personal goals have disappeared and I long only to love them and be loved by them. My life has truly changed. "Every good and perfect gift is from the Lord." And these two are the best gifts my Father in heaven has ever given me.

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